Tuesday, May 26, 2015
With Mother's Day I found myself reflective. I consider my role as a mom and about my present and future children and how they are helping God shape me into the mother He would have me be. Growing up I would consider all of the things I could be "when I grow up". My mother has always been successful in the work force, so when people would ask "what do you want to be when you grow up?" I would think about the different jobs available to me. I never was able to stay committed to any idea of a job for long. For a while I wanted to be an actress. I know there were more along the way. Marine biologist. Doctor. Artist. At one point I wanted to be a teacher. So many things interested me that I couldn't imagine spending my whole life doing one thing. But, deep down, from a young age, I knew that I wanted to get married and be a mom. I just couldn't imagine life as a woman without children. And I knew I wanted a lot of them! (No one fully believed me I think!) I don't know why I didn't think that "wife and mom" was an appropriate answer to give people. Maybe my idea of success was skewed. Maybe I just didn't know that I could fully devote my life to my family. I must not have realized that this was to be the biggest, most important role God has for me. I didn't know then that my love for children and my urgings to be a mom were from the Lord!
As our family goes through the process to be a licensed foster family for Utah I also find myself thinking of the moms out there who have given their babies up for adoption, or have lost their children to the state. I find it hard to be hopeful that we will have children placed with us. I know that placement with our family means the children will have been through something terrible, and the moms will be hurt in ways I can't even imagine. But I know that the Lord has called us to this and I know that no matter how hard it is for us He will sustain us and grow us through the process. He will use us in the lives of these children, He will use us in the lives of the birth families, and His name will be glorified!
I considered how thankful I am for my own mom. For how she has been my biggest cheerleader in my life. How she has always been willing to drop what she's doing if I need her help. How excited she is whenever there is a new grandbaby coming! (Even if she doesn't understand why I keep having them!) How much I have seen her change and grow. I have never questioned my mom's love for me or my children.
I considered Brian's mom and how thankful I am for her. How she raised Brian to be a faithful, loving, helpful husband. How she loves me like I am one of her own and my children like they are treasures. How her example as a wife and mom has encouraged and challenged me to grow and change.
I considered my grandmothers. How their influence in my life helped me determine who I wanted to be. For the time I was able to spend helping care for my Nana while having to watch the progression of Alzheimer's take her mind. For all the times I want to go see my Granny and ask to her about how she managed to raise 5 sons and a daughter! I can't wait for the day when death is no more! Below is one of my favorite songs right now, and my favorite lyrics of the song are "When we arrive at eternity's shore, when death is just a memory and tears are no more..." I think about my grandparents when I hear this.
And, finally, I wonder what our newest baby blessing will be like. Will the baby be a boy or a girl? Will he/she look like Alex, Penny, and George, like Jack or Max, or like Sam? I know that he/she will be loved because his/her brothers (and sister, I'm sure) are totally stoked that Mommy is pregnant (again!!).
So many thoughts in the past couple of weeks. I am thankful that God has called me to be a mom. I am thankful that He has placed the mothers around me that He has. And I am so thankful for His calling on my life, and that He is walking me step by step through.